Saturday, June 6, 2016

When I was a teenager, I was alone a lot. No one wanted to be around the sick kid. Back in the 70's, people were misinformed enough to believe they could "catch" cancer. Cancer was rare, childhood cancer even more rare. I suppose no one thought I was going to live and they certainly didn't know what to say to me, my sisters or my parents. It was easier to stay away and not say anything. 

My mom would bring me home from chemo, tuck me into bed with a vomit bag by my side and go to work. It was a very lonely time with no internet, no texting, no dvds, just t.v. I watched a lot of t.v. At least I was fortunate enough to have parents who let me smoke

 weed in my bedroom. It was the only thing that got me through radiation and chemo. Without it, I would have wasted away. With radiation, everything had a delightful charcoal overtone. Also, the inside of my mouth was literally fried, with even one fleck of black pepper setting it on fire. I lost 30 lbs in just a couple of months. Good thing I was a chubby teenager. During chemo, everything tasted weird, chemical, plastic, weird. Without weed, I wouldn't have eaten, but no matter what, it's hard to compete with the munchies. 

I still tend to hold onto my best friend, the hermit. She moved in some time during my teens and has shared my brain space ever since. I actually don't mind being alone. I live in a tiny RV with a tall man. When he goes to work, I relish the peace and quiet. Write, relax, enjoy time with my hermit. However, I think she has gotten a little too comfortable. Often, she doesn't want to go anywhere or see anyone for days. Here, on the outskirts of town, it is fairly peaceful. Roosters crow, dogs bark and horses whinny. You can hear the croakers at night. My hermit convinces me it's easier to just stay put.

If all goes well, we will be moving into town this fall. My goal is to kill my hermit. Or at least lock her in one of the many dark rooms of my mind. I do have some friends, although it would be hard to tell given my propensity to be anti-social. I will get out and do things, I will get out and do things, I will get out and do things. I just need to get settled, closer to town and reconnect. But for now, it's cool, dark and quiet in here, so the hermit lives another day.

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